Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Heart on My Sleeve

When I care about stuff, I care about it big time. I care all the way. With my whole heart and my whole self. There is no halfway with me and many times it comes back to bite me in the ass. I have a hard time taking things lightly and just putting my time in. I want things to go well, I want people to try their best, I want to have high standards and then work really hard to go over them. I care too much about a lot of things.

It's one of the things I like the best about me.

It's one of the things I like the least about me.

When I get upset, angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, mad, outraged, indignant, incredulous, etc, etc I tear up. Every time. Since the beginning of time. It's so annoying and frustrating and embarrassing. I am a 30 year old woman who essentially cries when she doesn't get her way. Now, I know that isn't true but it's how it feels like it appears when I am at work dealing with a situation of complete unprofessionalism that rocks my world so completely that I am immediately angered, frustrated, disappointed. So what do I do? Cry. Tears.

Why can't I be icy. Frigid in my anger.

Why can't I shout and swear and let my feelings known to the world?

Why can't I think of supremely haughty things to say that will leave my listeners speechless?

Why do I always cry?

My sister says I feel too much, or that my emotions overwhelm me. Something like that. All I know is that I care a lot about my job, my career, my friends and my beliefs. And apparently I am willing to cry about it.

4 Thinks and Thoughts of Others:

Helen's Book Blog said...

As someone who chokes/tears up at many things (you should have seen me pregnant when Kodak ads came on the TV), I would much rather deal with someone who feels emotion and isn't afraid to show it than someone who can't!

Milli said...

Well, I cry sometimes too. I mean, don't we all?

SB said...

wow. I am exactly the same, Beth. EXACTLY. I cannot cannot find those smart-ass words, those quips others are able to access. It's not fair. but, at the same time, maybe we are thinkers and think it all through and are careful not to waste or unleash words and hurtful thoughts that we may regret later? a thought.

i like you as is.

Beth said...

Helen- Thanks, I agree that showing emotion is super important.

SB- Awwww, you are such a sweetie, and you always know how to word things.

Milli- Yes, we all cry but I am talking more about situations when I am called on to be a professional and must state my case. However, when I am emotionally involved, as I often am with my teaching, I cry which I feel is not really acceptable in a professional setting.

Last Words...

Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe