Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

Monday, January 31, 2011

Meet Me on Monday

I have discovered an interesting new meme hosted by Never Growing Old- Meet Me on Monday!

Here's how it works: 5 questions will be posted every Sunday and then you answer them on your blog. Easy peasy. It's an interesting idea seeing as so many of us read each others blogs and feel like we know each other as friends but this is a way to get down to the nitty gritty details of knowing someone. Sounds like fun.

Here are this week's questions:
1.  What do you put on your hot dog?
First of all, I LOVE hot dogs. Especially if it's street meat or from a ball park. I always have ketchup, mustard and mayo on mine. Sometimes I will add dill pickles and cheese depending on my mood, and I have never been known to turn down a chili cheese foot long, especially if it's from Chuck's in my hometown. 

2.  Do you play Sudoku?
Nope...I do like crosswords though.

3.  What is your favourite vegetable?
I have to pick just one? I really like vegetables. I guess I would have to say corn on the cob since it's a special time of year thing and I grew up in South Western Ontario.

4.  Do you colour your hair?
Yep!! Not so much in the last year since I was pregnant, but I am looking forward to some updating really soon. I am, however, lucky enough so far (knock on wood) not to have a need to colour my hair.....hopefully, I am not testing fate here! I am naturally a brunette, but in the past I have been pretty blonde, had some red, had highlights, lowlights...you name it.

5.  What is your favourite brand of clothing?
I am not really sure I have a favourite brand of clothing. I buy a lot of stuff from a lot of places and I am a bargain hunter. I really enjoy a good sale!

Morning #1

Here we are! Morning #1 on my own.... and to be totally honest I was scared out of my mind in the last few days leading up to this. What if I was only good at this because I had back-up? (Thanks Mom!) What if I broke down at the first sign of something hard? How would I eat breakfast?

It's now 11:30 and Avery is having her first nap of the day. She has become a pretty good night sleeper, usually at least 3 hours between feeds and I am able to get a total of at least 6-7 hours over the stretch each night. Once morning hits, though, she is ready to be awake and check things out. At only three weeks she is already so alert and looking at all sorts of things in our house. She is still cluster feeding on occasions, like this morning, but I have ready umpteen number of articles about cluster feeding on the internet over the past 3 weeks to realize that it's normal and just to go with it. So from 7:30 to 10:40 this morning we hunkered down and fed every hour. In between we had some diaper changes, some tummy time, a long stretch in her swing while I hurried around a did a few little things I wanted to get done.

Now we are 30 minutes into a nap! And I did it all by myself.




Maybe I can do this...!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

On Becoming a Mom

My mom went home today. I was a little sad. Okay, a lot sad but I managed to keep a stiff upper lip, which is pretty impressive in these days of raging postpartum hormones if I do say so myself. My mom has been a lifesaver since Avery was born.


She and my dad immediately drove up to our place when the difficulties started with the amniotic fluid the week before her birth. She stayed for the entire first week Avery was here. She cooked. She cleaned. She changed diapers. She swaddled. She rocked and cooed and loved up that little bundle of a granddaughter. And then she went home.

Act 2...
My husband was off work the second week of Avery's life to help me and it was great to have him home to help, but as the week started to wind down and we got closer to the day I would be home alone with the baby I started to get more and more nervous. Until one night I had a complete break down that ended with a phone call to my mom and her promising to come back for another week.

Act 3...
And so she came back and again, cooked, cleaned, changed diapers, etc, etc and generally helped me to feel a lot more confident about being able to do this on my own. She remained calm in the face of every one of my breakdowns and cry fests. She didn't hesitate to get out of bed in the night if I needed her. She made multiple trips to the grocery store to get anything we needed, or wanted, for dinners and lunches.

In a sentence...she was sent from heaven.

I can only hope that in the years to come I can be the sort of mom she has been to me. The sort that teaches her daughter the importance of having her own voice. That teaches her daughter she can do anything she wants...but she'll have to work, and work hard, for it. That teaches her daughter that nothing comes easily, and if it does it probably isn't worth it. That never hesitates to say "I love you", to give hugs, kisses, cuddles. That has become one of my closest friends.






So tomorrow is the day I start doing this mom thing all on my own. I know there'll be good days, and not so good days, but I am confident my mom has taught me how to deal on my own (not to say there won't be days that I will still call home...'cause for sure that's going to happen). 

Thanks Mom for everything. And a big thanks to Dad for driving the 3 hours here and back every weekend for the past 4 weeks...you're pretty awesome yourself.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Friends...wow

There is nothing better than good friends. Except maybe my baby...okay, my baby is definitely better but friends (and family) rank a very close second.

I have received so much support and love from all corners since giving birth to Avery my heart hurts.

I have long said that you know if you have a good friend when you can go days, weeks, months and even years without talking and then when you do find yourself talking again it's like no time has passed at all. That's exactly what it has been like with my friend Brian. We met many, many moons ago when I was just a mere 15 years old...seriously that's like 16 years ago! Wow. We worked together at a summer camp for just one summer, two short months and yet here we are still friends. There were many, many years where we lost touch and had a thousand different experiences but have somehow managed to reconnect through the magic of blogging and Facebook.

I have been reading Brian's blog, The Zoey Blog, for awhile now and have made it one of my life's goal to be as good a parent as Brian and his wife, June, are to their beautiful little girl Zoey. And here I am in my second week of being a mom and there is Brian already cheering me on. 

Thanks friend.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Doubts, Doubts and More Doubts

I am usually a pretty confident person. Actually, I would say I am a very confident person. And optimistic. However, becoming a mom and having a baby to care for has rocked my world. I am worried ALL THE TIME!

Am I doing this right? Should I be doing that?

This person says this? That person says that?

Is she eating enough? Is she eating too much?

Is she peeing and pooping enough? Too much? What does it look like?

AAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Less than two weeks and I am driving myself crazy. Some days we have a fantastic schedule of sleeping, eating, tummy time and just staring soulfully into each other's eyes. Other days we cluster feed for 5 hours at a time until I am exhausted beyond belief.

My mom was here last week to help and my husband took this week off so I have had a lot of support. The original plan was that Mike would go back to work next Monday and I would be on my own. However, after a few sleepless nights, mornings AND afternoons I asked my mom to come back again next week.....and then I immediately felt guilty that I couldn't handle it on my own. There are so many people that have to do it on their own from Day 1 and here I am, after 2 weeks of support asking for more.

I feel as though I should be able to do it on my own. Then when I think about it, I get weepy and teary.

It's hard to believe it's only been 12 days. Avery is the best thing I have ever done....and the hardest. Every time I look at her my heart hurts with love and then the worrying starts anew. Everyone says it gets better and I certainly hope so. There are moments when I have finished a feeding, settled Avery down to nap, put a load of laundry in the washer and managed to eat a snack and I think to myself, "Wow, I can totally do this Mom thing."

I just want those moments to be more frequent and closer together.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Plans

I have plans for long and lengthy blog posts.

I also have plans for long and lengthy naps.

Unfortunately, my schedule is not my own these days and Avery has decided to cluster feed at random times during the day.....AND night. Sleep and I are experiencing a painful separation and absence is making the heart grow much, much, much fonder.

For now, I will have to satisfy you with this lovely picture of my girl.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Knowledge is Power

Some things I have learned in the 4 days since I became a mom:

1. You can survive on very little sleep.

2. A banana can be considered a meal.

3. Breastfeeding is hard. Very hard. (And kind of hurts at the start)

4. Midwives are angels brought to earth by the gods.

5. My baby is so beautiful it breaks my heart.

6. My mom is a lifesaver. I will never be able to thank her enough. Ever.

7. I love my baby more now than when I started this post.

8. Too many people want to visit (and kind of expect to be able to) too soon.

9. Water. I drink a lot of it.

10. Epidurals are your friend.

And.....

11. My baby has completely stolen my heart.



Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Welcome to the World Baby Girl!

I am super happy to announce the birth of our baby girl, Avery Grace. She arrived late Sunday night, at 11:18 pm, on her due date (I love that she is already as organized and on a schedule as her mom!, LOL) She weighed in at 6 lbs 14 oz and we think she is perfect.


First cry in warmer.


Look how alert I am!


My sister, the proud auntie!


Proud papa...a little blurry, sorry!


Look how proud she is! I am so happy my sister was there to be with me.


Big yawn.


Funny face.


Daddy.


Kahne meets his baby for the first time. He has been so good with her, we are super proud of him too!


My mom has come to stay for the week and she is just a proud Grandma.

Well, that's all for now. I will try to post more when I can stay awake for more than an hour or so at a time, but I must say I think this might be the best thing I have ever done. I can't believe how in love I am already. 

I now know what people mean when they say that having children is like letting your heart walk outside of your body. 

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Are you for real?

So I went in for my follow up ultrasound yesterday (following up the one I had before Christmas to make sure the baby wasn't too small). Everything was going well, the ultrasound tech was smiling, and nodding, and saying "Oh it looks good. Very good....and now I want you to go straight upstairs to Labour and Delivery."


To which I actually replied, "Are you for real?"


I mean I hasn't has any contractions yet. I was planning to go shopping with my sister. The last ultrasound said everything was fine. He had just said "very good".

I am very proud to say that I remained quite calm. I called my midwife and headed up to Labour and Delivery with my sister. My biggest concern in the moment was that I really had to go to the washroom because I had to drink sooooo much water for the actual ultrasound.

Fast forward 4.5 hours later............


I was hooked up to a fetal monitor for a non-stress test. My midwife showed up about 2 hours after I called her. My sister was only able to find a Tim Horton's that sold croissants and doughnuts- hence my all carb lunch. I had a crazy, giddy giggle-fest in the Labour and Delivery Triage with my sister and discovered that this causes the baby's heartbeat to race. I had walked the hallway of the Labour and Delivery about 100 times.

The outcome? In the 2 weeks since my last ultrasound my amniotic fluid level had dropped from 11.2 to 4.9 which apparently is not so good. However, everything else was normal or even great with the baby. Heartbeat? Good. Size? Good. Whatever else they look at? Good.

I was given the option of being induced last night, or going home resting up and coming back on Friday for another ultrasound. Both the midwife and the OB on call recommended to go home and come back on Friday.....which is why I am here at home posting this for all of you and not giving birth to a baby.

I must say the last weeks of my pregnancy have been the most exciting/worrisome of all. The plan at the moment is to see what the ultrasound on Friday turns up. If the amniotic fluid does go back up at that point then I will be induced at some point on the weekend. So good news should be coming sooner rather than later.

Today I am just sitting here at home counting kicks every 2 hours, helping my sister finish her wedding invitations and making a surprise 30th birthday present for my husband (wait till you see it!) and attempting to send good vibes towards the baby and the amniotic fluid. Maybe I should just drink as much water as I can all day?

Monday, January 3, 2011

Nesting/Obsession?

So as I embark on my mat leave tomorrow (no, no baby yet) I have been obsessively scouring the web and assorted blogs for a variety of crafting projects I can undertake while I am off. I have found some great blogs of some amazingly talented people. Check these out if you are so inclined.

Projects

Pillowcase Baby Dress

Snappy Toddler Top

Baby Legwarmers

Hair Straightener Cozy for Travelling

Baby Pyjamas

Blogs


Prudent Baby- what a great site/blog! A few of the links above are from this site and I am excited to get crafty.

Sew, Mama, Sew!

Little Miss Momma

Girl. Inspired.

Last Words...

Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe