I am usually a pretty confident person. Actually, I would say I am a very confident person. And optimistic. However, becoming a mom and having a baby to care for has rocked my world. I am worried ALL THE TIME!
Am I doing this right? Should I be doing that?
This person says this? That person says that?
Is she eating enough? Is she eating too much?
Is she peeing and pooping enough? Too much? What does it look like?
Less than two weeks and I am driving myself crazy. Some days we have a fantastic schedule of sleeping, eating, tummy time and just staring soulfully into each other's eyes. Other days we cluster feed for 5 hours at a time until I am exhausted beyond belief.
My mom was here last week to help and my husband took this week off so I have had a lot of support. The original plan was that Mike would go back to work next Monday and I would be on my own. However, after a few sleepless nights, mornings AND afternoons I asked my mom to come back again next week.....and then I immediately felt guilty that I couldn't handle it on my own. There are so many people that have to do it on their own from Day 1 and here I am, after 2 weeks of support asking for more.
I feel as though I should be able to do it on my own. Then when I think about it, I get weepy and teary.
It's hard to believe it's only been 12 days. Avery is the best thing I have ever done....and the hardest. Every time I look at her my heart hurts with love and then the worrying starts anew. Everyone says it gets better and I certainly hope so. There are moments when I have finished a feeding, settled Avery down to nap, put a load of laundry in the washer and managed to eat a snack and I think to myself, "Wow, I can totally do this Mom thing."
I just want those moments to be more frequent and closer together.