Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

A Certain Lack Thereof

So, after 4+ weeks of staying home with Avery I am starting to feel pretty confident in my ability to handle all this and we even took a short trip to the mall yesterday...just us!

However, I am feeling like my ability to converse with adults is slipping away. I mean, I spend all day talking to a) no one, or b) talking to a 4 week-old (4 weeks! can you believe it). I have never felt that I was particularly good at small talk and I tend to get very shy and nervous when I am in a large group of people. A new friend commented awhile back that she was surprised at how quiet I was when there are lots of people around because it was so different than how I am one on one. I am worried that after 8 months of mat leave I will be even worse!

My days so far have consisted on talk shows, the Food network, HGTV, or watching shows I PVR'd from the night before. I have been reading still, OF COURSE, but not at the same pace I used to. In between all that I am changing diapers, nursing and rocking my lovely baby to sleep. Not exactly scintillating conversation, right?

I think part of my problem stems from the fat that I have never lived alone, I have never really spent more than one month in the summer off work (I have taught summer school or gone to camp) and I have always been busy. I am, however, a bit of a loner and I did spend a lot of time in the evenings and on weekends by myself but that was always after a long week of teaching and being around people.

I guess it all boils down to me trying to figure out who I am on mat leave. What are my interests now? What will excite me during the day...other than cuddling with my baby, of course?

1 Thinks and Thoughts of Others:

SB said...

I totally went through this: in fact, it's the reason I started the blog. When I went back to work, I was the most vibrant I've ever been because I went through a year of doing very little - and I am a doer, too! and a loner, too, ps. I hope blogging and finding friends in the same position will help you feel more like yourself...books are always good, as well! And soon I will be on mat leave. I propose we get twitter at that point, so we can tweet about how many diapers we've changed, or how we still can't bring ourselves to mop the floor, even though we do actually have all the time in the world in which to do so...ha ha!

Last Words...

Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe