Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Growing, close to laughing

Here's my baby-- just growing like a weed!

Ohhh, the many faces of my heart.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Learning, Learning, Learning

I have decided to take a course this spring to become qualified to teach Grade 1-3. I really feel that this will give me something to do during the day that's not baby related and keep my mind going. I am a huge multi-tasker normally and always had a lot on the go when I was working. I am finding that being at home for maternity leave, while fun and I love being with my little baby, is not as mentally stimulating as my working life. Perhaps this is why I find myself worrying about every little thing.....?

I am also going to start some more crafting projects very soon. Right now I am frantically trying to finish my knitting project that is destined to be my sister's wedding present next week. I will post pictures when I am done and AFTER I have given it to her just to make sure the surprise isn't ruined. I must say, however, that for my first major knitting project I am pretty proud of myself.

I knew coming into this maternity leave that keeping my mind busy would be one of my biggest challenges. I have never even really taken an entire 2 months off in the summer. I have always taught summer school, or the year I got married I was busy getting all the last minute details in place. I am hoping that by taking this course I will not only find a way to keep myself busy and thinking, but I will continue to grow as an educator. It's very important to me to always continue learning about my profession, not only to be a better teacher but to consistently set an example for my students. If I expect them to always be learning then I should be as well. I have even more incentive for this now that I have a child too.

I hope Avery has a love of learning and a desire to learn all that she can over the course of her life. If my husband and I can foster that in our child I think we will be well on our way to being good parents. I want Avery to devour books. To learn about and from other people. To engage in all sorts of new activities.

I want her to want to learn everyday of her life.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Don't Worry!

Well, my 11 week old baby is sleeping 11 hours through the night.

I know, crazy right?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Change is in the air...

Warning...this post may not make sense to many people other than me, I see a rambling post in my future.

My husband and I have been talking about making some changes in our life. Nothing concrete yet. Nothing even that realistically resembles a plan but dreams none-the-less. It's not really anything I can, or want, to talk about in details yet but the possibility is super enticing.

It would mean some great opportunities for our little growing family. It could mean more leisure time together, less commuting, more extended family, less city, more green. It could mean many things.... and it could be nothing.

It's hard not to get my hopes up, but I may have already leapt over that line. It's a change I never thought possible and so never really even considered. And then my husband came home and everything went all topsy-turvy.

I promise that if anything ever comes to fruition I will let y'all know....I won't be able to stop crowing from the rooftops.

But for now, it's a quiet little dream just tucked away in my back pocket.

Friday, March 18, 2011

St. Patrick's Day- Retro Style

First...I meant to post this yesterday but the day just got away from me...

Four years ago my St. Patrink's Day celebrations were much different from this year's.

It was just a few short months before our wedding and we were having our Buck and Doe...obviously this meant a trip to the Beer Store.

Mike and I in our St. Paddy's Day finery.

Antics in the kitchen...alcohol may have played a part in this picture.

Celebrating with good friends.

Many people had a good time. Some people had too good of a time.

Mike entertains his mother in law to be!!

The best man.

College friends reunited.

There are many, many pictures...we could be here all day. I can't believe it's been four years since that day...time sure does fly. I wouldn't change anything about the last four years, the good or the bad. However, this year's celebrations were much more low key, in fact I didn't really even remember. I did, however, get to spend the day with a beautiful little girl.

Both days were fun, but I wouldn't trade this year's for that day four years ago. It's amazing to me how much our life changes. When Mike and I were married we were pretty convinced that we didn't want children and stuck to our guns for three years. Then last year, while away on March Break with my best friend I really started to think about. I watched families on the beach in Florida and I realized that I wanted that too.

Best. Decision. Ever.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Falling in Love

I knew that I would fall in love with my baby when she was born. How could I not? I did not know that I would fall even more in love with my husband. Why didn't I know that? I should have.

Everyday is an exercise in heart thumping love when I watch him interact with our little girl. He delights in the merest of smiles. He exults in her every gurgle and coo. He loves her even more than he loves me and it makes me love him even more than I did before.

Right now he is upstairs putting our little girl to bed. We have developed a routine where he feeds her and bathes her and puts her to bed in the evenings since I see her all day long. Not only does it give me a little break, but he gives him time to spend just with her. Sometimes everything goes smoothly and she drifts off to sleep basked in her father's love and adoration. Other nights it takes a little longer and both dad and baby are a little frustrated before sleep is achieved. But he does it.

And I try not to go upstairs and butt in...because let's face it, I am a control freak. If there was ever any doubt of this fact before it as all been erased now that I have a child and I obsess over every little things that goes wrong... and right!

The thing that I love best about my husband's new role as a father is that he is willing to do things he never would have before. He had never changed a diaper before Avery was born, but he dove right in there are changed the very first one in the hospital. He is even getting better with the poopy ones. We had a small incident on Saturday morning where he called me in to help because he couldn't handle the smell...but after some light teasing, he changed a similar stinky one on Sunday all by himself (with minimal gagging!).

As I sit here he is upstairs reading our little girl a story. My husband is not a reader. In fact, I am not sure I have ever seen him pick up a book voluntarily. However, he will do it for our little girl. Listening to a grown man read a story book might be the sweetest thing in the world.

The past nine weeks have been an education in love. Love for my baby daughter and an even deeper love for my husband.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Thinking Topics

It has suddenly, not so suddenly, occurred to me that after 2+ months of being home with baby, plus 3 weeks prior to the arrival of the baby, that I may be losing my ability to hold my end of an interesting conversation.

I feel a little devoid of conversation topics that would hold the interest of any adult that is not my baby's grandmother (that's you mom) or my husband (the baby's father). I suppose I could start reading the paper know if they added more hours to the day. I could watch the news more frequently. I could start reading non-fiction books.

But really? Will I? Probably not.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Loop de Loop

I am a fully functioning adult.

I make decisions on my own all the time. Everyday in fact.

I am in control of my own life, where it has been and where it is going.

Yet, I do not control when my daughter wants to eat, wants to sleep, wants to play, etc.

Or in the case of last night, when my daughter doesn't want to eat! According to our routine of the last few days, at 6pm when Avery woke up she would be ready to eat, have her bath and settle down to sleep for night. However, as we tried to give her the bottle she screamed bloody murder as if we were attempting to hurt her. There was no consoling her and no getting her to eat. Mike finally settled her down and she drifted back to sleep...only to wake up at 7:30 feed normally, smile and charm us with her wiles. Seriously!!

It's been 8 weeks and I am fully convinced this child will be the death of me...worry, stress, concern- that'll be the cause of death to be sure.

Just when I thought I was becoming a calm and go with the flow type mom Avery throws this curve ball at me, and I know everyone says that this will happen. Just as soon as you think you have it down pat everything will change...but who refuses to eat?

I know I have posted on this topic before, but it still continues to amaze me how one little baby can so drastically change your outlook on life. Nine weeks ago I would have described myself as a confident, competent adult who could fully deal with any crisis handed to her.

Now, I feel like I am a quivering mess most of the time. Oh, I put on a good face (sometimes). I even made it through last night's incident without crying (a big deal for me), but deep down inside I wonder if I am doing any of this parenting stuff right.

Does that ever go away?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Routine? What

So I am an organized person. I like my day to go as planned. I like to know what's going to happen in my day and when it is going to happen. I like to be able to plan ahead for any emergencies or unexpected occurrences.

I am not good at the unknown.

That is not to say that I am not flexible, I am. I can go with the long as I know ahead of time that going with the flow is the plan. Does that make sense?

Having a 7 week old baby, who has no routine that is even remotely similar to the day before is driving me crazy. I worry. I fret. I think, and think, and think.

She is supposed to go three hours between feeds--- yet most of the time it's only been 2.

She can sleep for up to 6 hours at night without a feed. But sometimes it's only 3 hours.

She has started to escape from her swaddle when asleep and doesn't always like it. However, her arms and legs flail at an alarming rate when she is not swaddled and it wakes her up.

She is the most beautiful thing I have even seen. Period.

Being a mom is wonderfully frustrating. Wonderfully.

Last Words...

Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe