Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Again...seriously??

It seems like every few weeks I am back here, in this very same place. Stressed out. Worried. Tired? Confused? What's all the fuss about you ask? Baby sleep routines, napping, feeding...you name it. I seem to end up back here very few weeks or so wondering if I am doing it right, do I need to change things? It's exhausting and at times I feel counterproductive. I think some of my worry stems from the fact that I want things to be in place for when my husband takes over in September, not because I don't think he can figure it out on his own...but because...well, I don't know really.

I don't want to say that I am worried that he won't do it as well as I do because goodness knows, I questions everything I do all the time anyway. And I know he will do it differently than me and that's okay too...it's hard to actually pin point what my worry is. I think I want Avery to get the best of everything, always. The best of the her naps. The best of her feeds. The best of her playtime. I worry when it seems like things aren't going as well as they could be. I really do, a lot.

I wish I could be a more go with the flow mom, as my mom told me last week "I just fed you when you were hungry."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a thought right? I'm sure it applies to sleep too, I napped when I was tired. Sometimes I think that all the books and websites just create more stress and worry. I survived my babyhood without my mom having anything at her disposal in terms of the massive of amounts of information on the internet and in bookstores today. I am a pretty okay person I like to think!

Maybe going back to work and having other things to worry about is the best thing for me?

3 Thinks and Thoughts of Others:

Brian DeWagner said...

I guarantee you that Daddy will be more than fine...and the different is the best part because Avery needs that too...and Dad needs it just to find his groove, and pocket that whole mastery thing. It gets oh-so neglected for Dads, and trust me...it breaks our heart. I don't know how Dad's who don't get a chance to be the primary caregiver at some point ever manage. The perception, right or wrong, of third place for a lifetime sucks.

You'll be cool lady. You always are. Sweat it 'cause that's what your head and heart tell you to do. You can't really change that...but maybe you can start trying to see the challenges and changes from a different angle, one that's nothing but good for Avery and Dad. And I think that it's a good exercise for Moms to try on something a little lower on the responsibility scale too. The whole dynamic shift is super immersive and wildly necessary, I think. I bet Avery and Dad surprise you (even beyond what you already know they're capable of) and I bet you surprise yourself too. This is a big moment for Dad...enormous...it's his chance to mold, shape, and influence this new world that he's had less than he's used to having. It's going to be perfect. Perfect. I swear.

Beth said...

How did I know that you would be able to make me feel better? Thanks, Bri. And you are right, I think it will be great for Avery and Mike. I am mostly worried about me. LOL...a little egotistical, I know.

The hardest part of me is going to be letting go of the control...being lower on the responsibility thing but I agree that it will be good for me, and Dad!

I am glad that you are out there rooting for us.

SB said...

This all sounds too familiar! I figure that when I am feeling like this it's because something is not going in a way I'd like it to...so I'd say u r using instinct:)

Last Words...

Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe